


Jojo's Bizarre Edventure: Time and Money

by IsThisAReference



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28596792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsThisAReference/pseuds/IsThisAReference
Summary: The Eds find themselves partially responsible for the loss of Rolf's mysterious heirloom. This makes the small town of Peach Creek, Washington a lot more crazy, noisy, and even bizarre. A colorful cast of characters both new and old interact, whether it be in conversation or in combat. Of course, superpowers are bound to make things easier, aren't they? Aren't they?
Relationships: Jimmy/Sarah (Ed Edd n Eddy)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. On your Marks, get Set, Ed!

**Author's Note:**

> This story is also on Fanfiction.net under the same name, so head over there if you prefer that format.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Eddy’s latest half-baked get-rich-quick scheme was, quite literally, falling out fast. After learning in science class that coal can be turned into diamonds, he immediately grabbed Ed and Edd and started digging. While Edd praised Eddy for doing away with the maliciousness that usually plagues their scams, he was against choosing Rolf’s front yard as their mine. 

After a few minutes of Ed digging, they had broken into a cavern of some kind. Unfortunately, Edd had dropped the flashlight, so they could only see each other. They had been falling for a mere few seconds, but it had felt like hours. The Eds were bickering, all pointing fingers at each other for whose fault it was. That was until Ed crashed through something made of metal, bringing the rest of the Eds with him. As they fell through the ‘vertical slide’ as Ed called it, they came to a sudden yet silent stop. Looking around, Edd whispered to the Eds that they must have fallen into Rolf’s plumbing. They were in a place that looked like the rest of the cavern they’d fallen into, though this had overhead lighting. 

There was a gymnasium pattern on the flat stone platform floor. 

Standing on one end of the platform was Rolf, shirtless and determined. The Eds realized that this was Rolf’s underground lair, which they had visited briefly only once. From the way Rolf looked, he probably didn’t see the Eds. On the other end of the arena was a softball launching machine. Suddenly, the machine turned on and chucked a flurry of softballs at Rolf. As the Eds winced in anticipation, all the balls were knocked past Rolf, as if some invisible force was preventing him from being hit. The whole time he was snaking around his body without moving his feet. Then, one of the balls stopped mid-air, and was launched back at the machine, which exploded into a pile of debris. Rolf just stood there, unmoving. 

Finally, Eddy’s curiosity got the best of him, and he jumped out of the wall and sprinted at Rolf. It was at this point that Rolf had realized the Eds’ presence. Eddy had leapt into the air, ready to tackle Rolf to prevent him from escaping. Instead, Eddy felt as though he was being punched by a large, invisible fist. Rolf tried to make a break for it, only to be grabbed by Ed. Powerful as Rolf was, he knew he couldn’t escape Ed. With a sigh of defeat, he looked at the Eds. Eddy, still recovering from his gut wrench, was first to speak up. “Listen up, Stretch. We want to know everything and we want to know now. Refuse, and I’m digging up the phone and returning it.”

Rolf gulped, knowing full well that Eddy doesn’t make empty threats. “Alright Ed-boys, I’ll tell you. I only ask that you keep an open mind. Especially you, Double D Ed boy.” Edd looked mildly surprised. “Why me?” “Because Rolf knows that Double D won’t believe what he can’t see.” Double D nodded, trying to honor Rolf’s request. 

“What you have just witnessed is my Stand. A Stand is a manifestation of one’s psyche, a projection of the soul if you will. They act as an extension of oneself, since any damage onto one is damage onto the other. The only things that can hurt Stands are other Stands or Stand users. To non-Stand users, Stands are invincible and invisible. That is why you perceived Rolf’s Stand as an invisible force. They are your guardian angels, like superpower ghosts you can control.”

The Eds all gasped, with expressions that quickly went from shock, to denial, to pondering and to wanting. Eddy slowly turned to Rolf. “Hey Rolfy-boy, how would we get a Stand?” “Either be born with it encoded in your DNA, or be pierced or cut by this” Rolf pulled out an ornate arrowhead, with a gold body and silver edge, purple and mint green carvings, as well as a light carving of a polar bear with blue edges. 

Before Rolf could stop him, Eddy grabbed the arrowhead and slashed it across he and the other Eds’ hands. A surge of pain rushed through each of their bodies, with Rolf looking on in terror. In the blink of an eye, their wounds disappeared, and Rolf breathed a massive sigh of relief. Eddy gave him a confused look. “What’s up with you, stretch? Didn’t you show us the arrow so we could use it?” Rolf snatched the arrow from him.

“Rolf did not finish saying that the arrow contains a deadly virus. It is instantly fatal to most, but some have a mostly insignificant trait that not only allows them to survive without injury, but to gain a Stand. It appears as though all of you are immune to the virus, and are now Stand users. To be certain; I will summon my Stand. Tell me if you see it.”

Before the Eds could process that they could’ve died, a glowing cola-colored flamelike aura flickered into existence around Rolf. From his fingertips inward, a form took shape.

A mud brown bodysuit encased Rolf, leaving only his eyes exposed in a jaw shaped gap. In certain parts, slits of darker brown emerged, giving a vaguely zebra-like appearance. On each side of his collarbone and stretching above his head was a jagged hown, like the mandibles of a beetle, which was what must’ve been reflecting the softballs. On the back of his head was what appeared to be a breathing and speaking device, which took the form of a thin cylinder with two short, rock-like protrusions that reached towards the top of his head. Finally, a small tuft of Rolf’s blue hair popped out from the top of the open maw around Rolf’s eyes.

The Eds stared at him in awe. This was what a Stand could do? Ed was first to speak up. “Three questions, Rolf. Two, what’s your superpower, and three, how do we summon our Stands?” Rolling his finger and ignoring Ed’s mathematical illiteracy, he answered.

“This is Goin’ Under, a close-range suit Stand. You see, Stands can take many forms. Goin’ Under allows Rolf to walk on the underside of objects, even through solid ground, without worrying about falling or blood rushing to Rolf’s head. But that is not what matters. Try summoning your Stands. Square-peg-in-round-hole Ed-boy should go first. Imagine a spirit manifesting itself from you.” 

Ed took a deep breath in and tried to force something out. His body ignited in an aura similar to Rolf’s, though the color was a neon slime green. From his back emerged a translucent cyan ghost, with no legs and a foggy tail that trailed off into nothing. Thick, spectral arms connected to the torso. A head with a short neck attaches itself to the top of a torso. Snow white, bone-like armor curves around the arms, hands and upper body. Rib hooks rise above the shoulder and around the neck, as well as a few on the face. A jaw without the rest of the skull surrounds the head, lower jaw under the chin and upper jaw above the scalp. The teeth on the jaws were somewhat pointy, and the jaws were connected to the rib cage in the torso by a spine-like wire. The eyes were black, hollow abysses with a single, white point of light in the middle. It was a bit taller than Ed, though appeared even taller since it was floating a few inches above the ground. It wasn’t muscular, but its arms looked like they could snap tree trunks. 

The other Eds stared at the entity in shock. They had heard Rolf say that Stands could take many forms, but this ghost posing as a skeleton was a far cry from the image they had imagined.

Rolf, now out of Goin’ Under nodded in approval. “Very nicely done! What shall you name the Stand that looks like Rolf’s ancestors?” Ed went from in awe at his Stand to confused. “Name?” Rolf nodded. “Of course! Rare is the case in which a Stand is sentient enough to pick its own name. Now, what will you pick?”

Ed thought for a moment, assuming he could think, before getting a proud look in his eyes. “I dub thee, Thriller!” The spectral Stand, now named Thriller, pulled itself back into Ed’s body. Rolf then made a ‘you next’ gesture at Edd. 

Skeptical as he was, he had to admit that he was interested in what he saw. Focusing with all his might, a forest green aura surrounded him. The entity that came from him was much more humanoid than Thriller, though comparing it to a human would be quite the long shot. A thin yet box-like body with a large spherical head stands quite a bit taller than Edd. It looked a bit like an automaton, perhaps reflecting Edd’s own interest in technology. Its metallic skin was a non reflective beige, with bits of thick, black chain-like armor on its fingers, wrists, ankles, elbows, knees, shoulders and a few places on the torso. The bulbous head had black rings around where its ears would be if it had any, and large goggles, also black rings with a bridge in between them encompassed the eyes. The eyes themselves were diagonal slits that bisected each of the goggle rings, pointed at an angle that, if one were to draw a line downward from each one, would make a perfect V at its chin. In the middle of each eye slit was a dim, white glow. Edd looked at it, and then himself, and then at Rolf with confusion. “As much as I don’t want to believe this is happening, it feels very real.”

Rolf nodded. “For now, what shall its name be?” Edd pondered this for a moment. He wanted a name that fit, but was also formal and creative. “My Stand’s name will be Mr. Roboto, in reference to how his appearance resembles that of a robot.” Mr. Roboto faded into Edd’s body, and now all eyes were on Eddy. He smirked. 

“Heh. I bet my Stand will be something super strong, with an awesome ability to boot!” With a deep breath in, he closed his eyes and focused. A brilliant, shining cherry red aura flickered around Eddy. His Stand appeared behind him, towering over a foot above Eddy. A suit of armor one might expect to see in old England, though not without its differences. The armor was quite bulky, especially considering Eddy’s slim physique. Edd thought the Stand appeared far more armored than any knight, since he couldn’t tell if the Stand was the armor or in the armor, and each plate of armor was precious metal, including Silver, Gold, Platinum and Palladium. Barely any chainmail showed from beneath the plates, though where it did, the chains were actually coins, all of which were very ornate and made of different metals, being Ruthenium, Iridium, Osmium and Rhenium. On the knees, elbows, shoulders, backside of hands, and all over the back were about 200 perfect gemstones, each one unique among the armor. In front of its face, the Stand held up a reflective blade staff with its left hand, as if taking an oath. The blades were Rhodium, and the staff itself was Indium. The knight then, in one swift motion, spun the staff to its right side, where two very ornate scabbards were strapped, one on top of the other. The blades neatly fell into the scabbard, and the Stand held the staff perpendicular to its face, revealing the staff to be shaped like a star. The staff then seemingly shortened itself into a single star, maybe half an inch thick. The knight flipped it like a coin at Eddy, who subconsciously caught and pocketed it. The scabbards on his hip disappeared, the blades along with it. The knight suddenly rose, leading everyone to realize it had been on one knee the whole time. It was now at least 6 feet tall, dwarfing Eddy and a good few inches taller than Ed. The helmet was a close helmet, of course made of precious metals, with the crest resembling a blade. Then, much to everyone’s shock, it spoke. Its voice was clean and metallic, but also noble and antiquated, with an old British accent.

If stainless steel had a voice, this would be it. “Thank you for awakening me, your majesty.” Eddy was dumbfounded. He remembered Rolf saying that Stand’s usually don’t have the sentience to choose their own name. If this knight could, that would make him feel all the more important. “Do you… have a name?” The knight nodded. “My name is Money, my liege, though as my king, you may call me what you wish.” Eddy smirked. A super-ghost literally made of money that was unique among the unique and worshipped the ground he walked on? He could get used to this. Ed was confused as always, maybe a bit more so. Edd wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but this looks about right. As for Rolf, he was just stunned out of his mind. Then, without Eddy giving an order, he walked over to where the other boys were standing and bowed. 

“You are friends of my master, correct? A pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He then returned to Eddy. “Assuming I have your permission, your grace, I would like to tell you my ability, yes?” Eddy nodded. Armor, strength, and a fancy weapon are one thing. This could be another thing altogether. “You see, your lordship, we can turn people and things into money. So long as you have some form of active currency, simply me or you slamming something into it will put it in the bill or coin. That said, enough struggle can allow someone to exit the money. We can also enter the money, but then it must be moved by someone else. However, it only works if you have that wallet on your person. By the way, that blade was just for show. I am much more proficient in hand-to-hand combat, so that shall be my main form of attack” 

Eddy got the look in his eyes of someone who’s distant uncle just died and left him a whole lot of everything, before he realized something. “Money, you said my wallet, but I didn’t bring my wallet.” 

This was true. Eddy had his main getup, with his goldenrod shirt and blue jeans, as well as the delinquent-like modified uniform he would often wear to school. Peach Creek High didn’t have uniforms anymore, but Eddy had his brother’s from when he went there, and with a few tweaks by Eddy, it was cutting edge fashion. But in his third get-up, being overalls, safety jacket and hard hat, he didn’t bring his wallet with him. Money let out a hearty laugh. “But your grace, that star token I left you? That is central. For while you can summon me whenever, I can only put things in money if that is on your person.” 

Eddy fished into his pocket where he had pocketed the token, only to find a wallet on a pocket chain with no end in sight. It was black Kevlar, with a big silver star on the front and back. Opening it up, the inside walls also had big silver stars, as well as his ID card, proudly displaying his name; Eddy Jonathan Jones. On his normal card, the middle name is crossed out and replaced with Skipper, since while he hates it, it’s better than basically sharing the name Johnny with the weirdest kid in the cul-de-sac, even if they’re spelled differently. His parents said that their second choice of his middle name was Skipper, so it was either Jonathan or that. Got it from some long lost friend of a friend, he thinks. As for his last name, only Ed and Edd know it to be Jones, which doesn’t mean anything, and even then, Ed still calls him by the much snappier McGee, his mother’s maiden name. Every now and then, Edd and sometimes even Ed will call him Jojo. 

Rolf came closer and inspected it. “Oh, so you use a fake name? Very bold, Ed-boy. Worry not, Rolf won’t tell a soul. It is interesting, though, that you could be called Jojo. Rolf’s village tells of an immortal hero who is only known to us as Jojo. But ahhh, Rolf is sure that this is little more than a coincidence. Still, this is very impressive, money-grubbing Ed-boy! Most who have Stands take weeks, maybe a month to learn their powers!” 

Eddy smirked, thinking of all the cul-de-sac fools who would regret ever messing with him. Rolf then gestured to all of them. “Rolf would wish to help you develop your Stands, as it is often lonely being the only one to train with. Alas, the hours draw late as it is already 6. Seeing as how tomorrow is a Saturday, Rolf wishes you to come over at your earliest convenience. For now, please follow Rolf upstairs.” 

The Eds did as instructed, as Rolf took them up a cartoonishly long spiral staircase, which consisted of wooden planks jutting out of the walls, upwards through a square, giant pit. He held the arrow tenderly in his hands, careful not to break, as he said it was an old family heirloom. 

Edd mentioned how the star on the wallet might be related to Eddy’s bizarre birthmark. On the back left of Eddy’s neck was a perfect star shaped birthmark which had mysteriously appeared over a year and a half ago. Edd was ignored as he always was.

They arrived in front of Rolf’s shed after ascending through a cleverly disguised trap door. But then, just as Rolf was about to bid the Eds goodbye and return to his home… Wilfred comes barreling through! He runs through Rolf’s legs, causing the son of a shepherd to spin and fall to the ground, rather ungracefully might I add. The arrow went flying through the air before getting itself stuck in Wilfred’s nostril. The pig stopped, turned back at the humans, and snorted. Though it could’ve been nonsense, each boy thought he heard roughly the words _Wart Hog_. And with that, Wilfred bolted for the forest by the orchards.

The Eds looked panicked while Rolf held his head and spoke. “Worry not, Ed-boys. Wilfred has run off before, and Rolf has caught him every time. Of course, it may be different now that Wilfred appears to have a Stand. Normally, Rolf would take time to prepare, but a loose Stand user is never a good thing. A loose Stand Arrow is even worse. We must see to it that at least one is back in Rolf’s possession. Come, Ed-boys. This will be your first step in training to be Stand users!” The Eds shared a collective gulp of fear. Superpowers just a few hours ago, and they were already going to have to face their first opponent. But hey, a pig couldn’t do too much damage, right? Right?

* * *

Meanwhile, a younger girl with orange hair was having the strangest dream of her life. A strange entity had been doing all of Sarah’s favorite things with her, like playing dollies and having a tea party. But that’s a story for another day

* * *

  
  


**Stand Stats:**

For fun, I’ll include a localized name if you guys wanted to watch this on Crunchyroll

* * *

Stand name: Goin’ Under

Namesake: Darrel Wayne Perry and Tommy Smith song

Localized name: Digging Under

Stand User: Rolf Raki

Destructive Power: B

Speed: A

Range: E

Persistence: A

Accuracy: C

Potential: A

This close-range suit Stand is the perfect ability for a tactical thinker. Anything that touches Goin’ Under will allow Rolf to instantly teleport to the opposite side of it and walk along it, regardless of gravity or interference from solid objects. As long as Rolf has a few tricks up his sleeve, his enemies will have one hell of a time beating him.

Fun Fact: The beetle design was inspired by antlions.

* * *

Stand Name: Thriller

Namesake: Micheal Jackson song/album

Localized name: Terror

Stand User: Ed Ivanov

Destructive Power: A

Speed: C

Range: A

Persistence: A

Accuracy: D

Potential: A

A high-power long-range Stand with excellent physical persistence, it’s not hard to guess that this Stand usefulness is directly tied to its user. So long as Ed has at least one brain cell left in his head, he should be able to know just barely what to do to pull ahead. For now, I will leave it’s ability a mystery, but you’ll know soon enough.

Fun Fact: The eyes were inspired by Sans Undertale.

* * *

Stand Name: Mr Roboto

Namesake: Styx song

Localized name: Roboto

Stand User: Edd Kilroy

Destructive Power: C

Speed: B

Range: B

Persistence: B

Accuracy: B

Potential: A

A close to mid range, middle of the way in power type seemed fitting for someone like Edd, who feels like he’s still trying to find himself. A jack of all trades master of none, I hope you’re as excited as I am to see the development of this Stand and its user.

Fun Fact: Edd’s last name comes from the line in the song that is this Stand’s namesake, in which Mr Roboto reveals his name to be Kilroy.

* * *

Stand name: Money

Namesake: Pink Floyd song

Localized name: Money Knight

Stand user: Eddy “Jojo” Jones

Destructive power: A

Speed: C

Range: B

Persistence: A

Accuracy: C

Potential: A

As sentient Stands go, Money is a bit on the extreme side of things. I look forward to writing all the petty stuff Eddy uses it for, like scams and nonsense. An airtight, watertight, portable prison seems fun, and it’s not like Eddy won’t be able to use it. After all, he still has all that Korean Won he got from Hyuck in No Speak Da Ed. From one shot alone, it appears he has several hundred if not over 1,000 pieces of money in both coins and bills.

Fun Fact: Money is the third Stand I thought of for Eddy, the other two having been planned but turned down. These Stands, Taxman and Uranium Rock will appear under different users in later chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how did you like chapter 1? I’m excited for the rest of this fic, and at this rate I won’t abandon it like all my other projects. Next chapter will be my first fight scene ever, so let me know what you think in those comments, as well as how I did on this chapter? Also, almost every chapter will have a hidden reference. Today’s reference question; What song are Eddy’s parents, Desmond and Molly Jones, a reference to? First person to answer correctly will get a shoutout at the top of the next chapter whenever I decide to post it.


	2. Wart Hog's Wilfred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2, and the first fight scene I've ever written. As of this chapter no one correctly answered last week's question, the correct answer being Ob-la-di Ob-la-da by the Beatles. That said, I am shocked by how much attention this story has gotten, and I really appreciate it. From here on, this story is available on Fanfiction.net and Archiveofourown.org. I have no intentions of posting this elsewhere.

“Make haste, Ed-boys! Rolf worried this might happen and has an upgrade to Wilfred’s pen in waiting, so we have nothing to fear. Now, to the orchards!” Yelled Rolf, equipping Goin’ Under around himself. “Rolf will follow from underground, where there are no obstacles for Rolf. Go!”

The Eds finally realized that they were already in over their heads. They brought out each of their Stands, and as Rolf instantly disappeared, they sprinted towards the orchards. Ed was in front, with Eddy not falling far behind, but for the first time ever, Edd was keeping up with them. “Hey Sockhead, how the hell are you doing that?” Asked Eddy. 

“Oh worry not Eddy, for he is simply using the magical sandals of the messenger god Mercury to keep up.” Responded an uncalled for Ed.

“Not quite, Ed. I figured that since Wilfred has been known to move quickly even without a Stand, I figured I needed to step up my game. Observe my legs, if you would.” Answered Edd. His friend looked down, and wrapped around Ed’s legs were the legs of Mr Roboto, running in unison. 

The other Eds were surprised that Edd was taking all of this so well. Ed figured the same trick wouldn’t work for him since Thriller doesn’t have legs, but Eddy was more curious. “Hey Money, can we do that?” Money’s helmeted head manifested itself next to Eddy. “Alas, my lord, though I am not lacking in power, speed is a weakness of mine. You’d be better off running as is, as I may slow you down. However, I have more advice if you’d like to hear it.” Eddy sighed and gave a thumbs up. “Though my range of 10 feet is respectable, my power might as well be useless outside of 2 yards. There is a loophole we can take advantage of, though. If I emerge from a piece of money rather than directly at your side, I am capable of maintaining effectiveness even outside 10 feet. My range is still low, but it’s more manageable. The caveat being that if I fully remove myself from the currency, I am whisked back to your side, your majesty.”

Back to the chase, the Eds spotted something in front of them at high speeds. They had finally caught up to the pig. Ed jumped up and grabbed it, only to make a realization; This was not Wilfred. Oh sure, it had his shape and color, but this was not him. Instead, it was some kind of patchwork Frankenstein’s monster. Cloth stitches connected pieces of cloth and fabric, and stuffing was even falling out in some spots. The nose was two empty x-stitches to represent the nostrils, and the eyes were mismatched buttons.

Suddenly, the decoy expanded and the stuffing grew into spike shapes and exploded as the phony fell apart, yielding a loud boom but no flashes or smoke. Edd and Eddy shielded themselves with their hands, but they weren’t hit at all. Ed wasn’t so lucky. As the others rushed over to Ed, who was lying on the ground, they assessed his condition. His front side was leaking blood from a multitude of puncture wounds, most of which had gone through his clothes. Luckily, Edd had come prepared with a first aid kit, and was tending to Ed’s wounds when Rolf instantly appeared over them.

“It appears that Wilfred’s Stand has the ability to create patchwork decoys of himself that explode and puncture anyone who puts too much force on the phony, like Gertrude when the egg price is rising.” Said Rolf. Eddy looked up at him nervously.

“Rolf, if any damage to the Stand is damage to the user, does that mean…?” Eddy asked hesitantly. Rolf shook his head.

“Not likely. Any Stand that self-destructs to inflict damage is likely not sharing damage with its user. That said, Rolf doubts that it is what is known as an automatic Stand, which are Stands that act independently of the user under the cost of only being able to follow simple instructions. Rolf instead suggests that it is a long-range Stand that simply doesn’t share damage with its user.” Rolf answered. Ed stood up, covered in bandages. The others looked at Ed.

“You okay, lummox?” Asked Eddy. Ed held up an ‘okay’ sign with his fingers.

“Right as snow, Eddy. I’m having fun!” Ed said. Rolf flicked his hand back and forth.

“We must think on our feet, Ed-boys. Any ideas on how to capture Wilfred when he can just make a copy of himself that hurts us?” Asked Rolf as they all resumed their chase.

“I have an idea. Since running seems to not trigger the self-destruct sequence, we should either set traps on the ground or aim our attacks for the hooves.” Suggested Edd.

“How about this; I noticed that all my money appeared in my wallet earlier, meaning all that Korean Won I got from Hyuck back when I was 12 is in there. If I scatter it on the ground, then all Wilfred has to do is step on it. If the decoy steps on it, it won’t trigger the explosion and will instead get sucked in. If we’re lucky, Wilfred can only have one decoy at a time, and then we can stop worrying about grabbing a fake and getting injured.” Noted Eddy. Edd was surprised, Eddy was never this tactical.

And so, Eddy took out his wallet and started laying bills and coins down on the ground. After a few minutes of running, the forest was littered with money like a minefield. The Eds climbed to the top of a peach tree at the orchard to get a better view, while Rolf went underground so as to have a back-up plan. Eddy and Ed were snacking on some of the peaches from the tree. Edd abstained, knowing that would be theft, but he knew better than to stop the other two.

Then, Eddy spotted it. Wilfred, the real one for sure this time. His eyes weren’t buttons and stuffing wasn’t falling out of him. He was approaching a peach tree, looking for a snack. However, he had stepped on a 1,000 Won bill. Nothing happened. But then… “Now!” Eddy jumped from his hiding spot, landing on Wilfred. Like quicksand, Wilfred sunk into the bill. Eddy picked it up and looked at it. Where Yi Hwang would normally be was instead a pig with a look of panic.

Eddy was sure he had won. Of course, pigs are just dumb animals. That being said, they absolutely aren’t. Pigs are considered one of if not the smartest domesticated animal, and can outsmart a human child. Wilfred is even smarter than the average pig, known for his puzzle-solving abilities and free will. And so, as Eddy held the bill to his face, another decoy emerged from the money. It looked different from the last in terms of specific details, but it was generally the same; a stuffed animal, falling apart at the seams as if from decades of wear and tear. It peeled itself off and hit Eddy in the face. That was enough force to trigger the self-destruct sequence, and Eddy was covered head to toe in puncture wounds. He was flung back at the other Eds, who were running over to help him out, knocking all three to the ground. For reasons foreign to the human mind, Rolf thought that this would be a great moment to nab Wilfred. He instantly appeared in front of the pig, only to be toppled over and land on the ground. Unfortunately, this was a fall he cushioned with his neck.

* * *

A few minutes later, the boys were all trying to recuperate and formulate a plan. Rolf held his head in his hand, as he had sprained his neck. After Edd had gotten up, he had examined all of them. He told Rolf that there would be no lasting damage, but he made it very clear to all of them that every one of them would be checking into a hospital after this. First aid can only do so much. Now here they were. Eddy and Ed were filled with puncture wounds, Rolf with a sprained neck and all badly bruised. But to Eddy, the worst injury was to his pride. Ego is a fragile thing, so much so that it can easily be broken by a decoy ghost pig. Sure, he could brag about his injuries when he went back to school in a few days, but being beaten by a stupid animal? He’s going to need a different story or he’ll never hear the end of it. Just as he was considering calling it quits and heading home, Ed spoke up.

“What if we got rid of all the stuff in the way? A great man didn’t once say, at least not in this storyline that ‘the shortest route is the detour.’ Wilfred is following this by weaving in between trees and spontaneously turning. I’ll bet by bippy that if we get rid of the trees, it will be adult’s but younger play to detain him, just like they did in ‘Baconator: The Reckoning’!” The others looked at him dumbfounded. Ed was making sense, even if all of his nonsense was thrown in.

“I appreciate the idea, Ed, but how are we supposed to get rid of every tree in the forest? Ignoring the fact that you would need superpowers to do such a thing, I doubt I could get away with it. If only I had a way to temporarily imprison all of these trees without damaging them. I wish…. wait. Wait a minute, I think I have an idea.” Said Eddy. Edd looked at him funny, wondering how it took him this long to realize an obvious answer, but Ed and Rolf were stuck on every one of his words. Eddy picked up a coin from the ground and flipped it high into the air. It landed on top of the tree. It didn’t stop falling as it absorbed the tree into it and landed neatly on the ground. Money’s head showed up next to his and spoke.

“Very clever, your majesty! However, you can’t move that coin. Since the tree is ingrained in the ground through its routes, you cannot pick up the tree. Lift the coin and the tree comes out. Still, brilliantly done!” Said the knight.

And so, Eddy picked up every coin he could find and flicked it into the air, each one leveling the orchard. There were not enough coins to flatten the entire orchard, of course, so he started also using bills by having money jump and slap them onto the tops of the trees. By the time all of his money was gone, he had taken out an entire acre of trees, and Wilfred was plain as day to see. Or rather, two Wilfred’s were plain to see, but without the shade from the trees, the setting sun provided enough light to clearly differentiate the fake from the genuine article. Wilfred came barreling towards them, as did the decoy. The plan that they had come up with was simple; Rolf would trigger the decoy and hide underground before it went off. Meanwhile, the Eds would chase the real Wilfred. If he made more decoys, Rolf would simply repeat his process. The Eds would also chase Wilfred from different directions so that if he made a break for it he would just run into a different Ed. The plan seemed foolproof.

The decoy was within a few yards of the Eds. Rolf appeared and was about to trigger the decoy, but the Eds, all of whom were chasing Wilfred noticed that he was forming another decoy. It manifested itself from his body, and right before it could form the back legs, the existing decoy went off! Rolf was caught completely off guard, and though Goin’ Under prevented most of the damage, a single spike punctured his face, right between his eyes and wounded him.

At the same time, the new phony was fully formed and ran at Ed. Before anyone could process what happened, Wilfred made another decoy, detonating the old one and knocking Ed down. He then repeated the process on Edd, who immediately fainted from the injury, and the newest fake was charging Eddy.

Thank god that there was a backup plan. Money came forth in front of Eddy and smashed the decoy’s nose as hard as he could. However, the phony self-destructed and Money took every one of those hits, meaning that Eddy took every one of them as well. Was this it? Was this the end? Bleeding out of wounds from a fight with a pig. This is exactly what Wilfred thought that Eddy was thinking. He had finally won his freedom! No more having to act as free labor for Rolf. He could do what he wanted, at long, long last. He had to admit, the Eds and his former master put up one hell of a fight, but they were ultimately no match for him. He wasn’t going to finish them off, assuming they survive. After all, they’ve had it rough. These were the words Wilfred was proudly thinking. Hearing his stomach grumble, he realized that now that he was free, he wouldn’t have meals from Rolf. Regardless, the pros far outweigh the cons. As he trotted over to a peach lying on the ground, he admired how quickly Eddy had figured out all the different ways to use his ability.

Wilfred had reached the peach. It wasn’t the turkey sausages Rolf had fed him, but a diverse diet is very important. He bit down on the peach, as the sweet juices flowed into his mouth, when….

_ *chink* _

He looked down, in between his teeth was a single 10 Won Korean coin. What was up with that? Unfortunately for Wilfred but fortunately for our heroes, he got his answer. Across the clearing, Eddy was holding his chin up, though still lying with his front on the ground. He spoke, his voice raggedy and harsh.

“I know you’re curious, so I’ll tell you. After all, it makes victory that much sweeter.” Started Eddy. Wilfred was much too surprised to run. Eddy continued.

“Back when we were hanging out in the tree waiting for you to step on the money, I snuck that coin into that peach, hoping you would eat it. It would’ve been more ideal if you had gone for it before this mess, but this works fine.” Wilfred was nervous, but confident. He had heard earlier that a certain force is required to pull something into the money, and his bite was nowhere near strong enough. But Eddy wasn’t finished.

“At the last possible moment, I had Money try to block your attack. I would’ve preferred that to have worked, but this makes me feel all the better. See, your decoy wasn’t why I sent out Money. I had him go somewhere else. You’ll find out where right…. NOW!” He yelled the final word not as an explanation but as a command. From the side of the coin which Wilfred couldn’t see emerged a pair of massive, shiny arms. One reached over and swiftly bonked Wilfred on the head, sending him into the coin. This time, Eddy was prepared and had Money grip the coin in both hands with all his might. Eddy turned to his Stand.

“Money, can Wilfred hear me from inside the coin?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Good. Now listen up!” Eddy said this sternly yet smugly as loud as he could without yelling.

“I give you two paths. The first path is to resist further. Do that, and I’ll have money test out his punch strength on you. The other option? I let Rolf put whatever precautions on you so you don’t escape, and then you hang out with us sometimes. You do whatever we say, and I will bring no further harm to you. It won’t be forever. And you’ll still eat and sleep at Rolf’s. Of course, since Rolf is your legal owner, I’ll leave the rest of your punishment to him. He may be merciful, but get ready for a three-shoe beating, just in case. So, tell me what you want.”

After a few seconds, Money turned to Eddy. “You can’t hear it, your majesty, but he sounds like he’s oinking two.” Eddy grinned.

* * *

The car ride to Peach Creek General Hospital was surprisingly pleasant. After Waking everyone up, the boys all helped gather up all the money that was lying around and brought the trees back, restoring the orchard to its former glory. They had stopped by Rolf’s yard, where Wilfred was deposited in a high security pig pen and had a heavy harness placed around him. Rolf told Wilfred he was forgiven, but he would still be punished. The three-shoe beating is everyone’s worst nightmare. Being the least injured of the bunch, Rolf had taken the wheel behind Eddy’s car. Eddy was the only one to own a car and not just use his parents’ car. This car was originally Eddy’s brother’s, but with his brother’s consent, it was gifted to Eddy when he turned seventeen back in October, along with his room and any other of his possessions.

The Eds and Rolf were all sharing laughs and praise with each other over their first and most recent victory, most of which was directed towards Eddy, who was sucking it up like a sponge. Rolf was disappointed that they didn’t find the arrow, but said that after his neck heals, he’ll go back to searching.

“Rolf is very pleased, Ed-boys, and owes a debt of gratitude. Rolf is all for Eddy’s plan, but wishes to express his feelings even further. After we are out of the hospital, Rolf will invite you to a feast! Any requests?” The Eds all immediately started throwing out ideas of food they would like to see, mostly candies, which Edd was writing down on a notepad. They arrived at the hospital and checked in, trying to avoid questions about the cause of the injuries.

* * *

After being discharged on Sunday (the previous events took place a couple days earlier on Friday), Rolf and the Eds had driven home. No Cul-de-sac residents didn’t know where they had disappeared to this weekend, and after seeing how each of them had plenty of bandages and gauze wrap, as well as a small neck brace on Rolf, no one asked. The Eds were currently lounging on lawn chairs in Eddy’s backyard, under a large umbrella and sipping Lemonade.

“Another plate, please!” Said Ed. Wilfred came out, wearing his harness and balancing a plate of cocktail hot dogs on his back. He set the plate down on a small lawn table and, without even being ordered to, picked up a palm leaf in his mouth and started fanning the Eds. He wasn't planning to make another break for it any time soon.

Eddy held out his lemonade, offering a toast. “To us!”

“To us!”

“To us!”

_ *clink!* _

* * *

**Stand stats:**

* * *

Stand Name: Wart Hog

Namesake: Ramones song

Localized name: Feral Hog

Stand User: Wilfred the pig

Destructive power: B

Speed: A

Range: A

Persistence: E

Accuracy: D

Potential: D

This Stand allows Wilfred to make a patchwork decoy from his own body. This Stand is quasi-automatic, since it does have triggers but is ultimately controlled by Wilfred. The decoy is easily distinguishable from Wilfred, but the difference can be hard to see if in limited light or moving fast enough. The Stand will explode if too much force is put on it, leaving puncture wounds but no sign of shrapnel. An existing decoy will also self-destruct if Wilfred creates a new fake. The Stand can move no faster than Wilfred is capable of, which is quite fast.

Fun fact: This Stand’s power was directly inspired by its namesake, in which phonies and fakes are dealt heavily with in the lyrics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter's reference you won't get any hints! As always, criticism and feedback is always welcome and appreciated in the review section.


	3. Mad Little Girl's Sarah, Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter's reference was also unguessed, this time being 'Wannabe' by the Spice Girls.

Sarah had woken up to the sound of hammering. She was confused at first, before remembering that she had told Ed to fix up the roof after she had accidentally thrown an object through it and broke it during one of her tantrums. She wanted to tell her idiot brother to quiet down, but then Ed would probably mess it up and she’d have to do it herself.

That said, she was a little grateful to him for waking her up. Since Friday afternoon, she’s been having bizarre dreams when she went to sleep. It was the same dreams she had most nights, simply doing things she enjoyed such as having tea parties or picnics, but there was something else. Where there would usually be Jimmy or an animated stuffed animal was instead this odd entity. She had seen it enough times to describe it perfectly.

It had a blue-purple face. It’s head was tall but rounded, and it was shaded by a large black hat with two feathers in it, one lavender and one powder blue. Its eyes and mouth were non-existent. Instead, folded up along the sides of the face were what looked like slightly bent, very sharp claws, all dark green in color. The rest of its body was also blue-purple in color with those dark green claws on the sides, though in less abundance. Its torso was covered with a fashionable pink top, and the legs with cute blue jeans that went to the bottom of the ankle and a shin-length skirt with bright green squares and yellow lattices. Its feet were bare and toeless, though still covered in those weird green claws. Honestly, part of the fashion looked like what Sarah wore when she was ten. It was quite tall, probably around 6’8, which was a lot compared even to Sarah’s height of 6’2 and Ed’s 6’5. 

Sarah had learned a few days earlier that her brother, Edd, Eddy and Rolf had all checked into the hospital. Without anyone to annoy and boss around, it had gotten lonely. Sure, she had Jimmy at her beck and call, but she couldn’t invite him over now, since she was planning to ask him out on Thanksgiving. Neither had ever dated before, but she had realized a while ago that she was into him, and was desperately praying that he would say yes, and she had spent all this time with Ed gone planning. She had everything down to a tee, but rehearsing her lines and triple checking her schedule couldn’t hurt, right? Weird that she used to have a crush on Edd, who made her life miserable instead of someone like her best friend and most loyal companion. Still, the stress was really getting to her, and the stress was making her mad. She took a deep breath, reminded herself what her therapist had told her, and changed from her pajamas into some real clothes.

Looking at the thermometer outside her window, she saw that it was very pleasant for this time in November, and decided that it would be nice to have breakfast outside. There was also the added benefit of being able to supervise Ed and make sure he wasn’t messing up the roof too much. So she quickly went down to the kitchen, grabbed a leftover cheese sandwich and some orange juice, and went outside.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Sarah took a seat on the bench next to the pond. Normally, she would eat at the table on the patio, but she couldn’t see Ed at that angle. She carefully balanced the plate on her lap, and looked up at Ed. Only now did she realize what had gotten him checked into the hospital. He had adhesive bandages scattered all over his front side. He also had several large bruises. The only reason that Sarah could see most of her injuries was because his jacket and shirt were littered with holes. Sarah finally decided to get his attention.

“Hey Ed! I’m happy you’re okay and already on your chores, but what happened? Were you like, hit by, or maybe struck by a criminal?” Seriously, he looked like he was shot up with one of those submachine guns from those old gangster movies.

“Baby sister! Do not worry, as I am fine. I got into a fight, but you should’ve seen the other guy. Huh-hah!” Ed exclaimed. Sarah just sighed. Honestly, Ed getting into a fight and actually being aware of it is probably the most surprising part of this situation. Normally, he would have not done anything and his attacker would’ve taken more damage from striking Ed than Ed would from being repeatedly hit.

She was suddenly sent back to reality at the sound of a cartoonish slip noise. This could only mean one thing; Ed was about to fall. She wouldn’t worry most of the time, but with him so high up and his injuries, she was concerned. There was no way she was going to catch him, but she would at least make sure he didn’t break any bones. She was expecting to hear him hit the ground any second now, but when she parted the bushes and looked at the ground…

“What the hell?”  
\---------------------------------------------------------  
“So Rolf, I was hoping to ask you a few questions about Stands. It’s out of curiosity more than anything else’s. First off, how exactly do Stand Arrows work?” Asked Edd. He was currently sitting across from Rolf at the table in Rolf’s backyard. Edd had showed up at Rolf’s door, asking for answers. He had brought a notepad and pencil to take notes, as well as a large box of jujubes for him and Rolf to snack on as they spoke. Rolf digested a jujube, all too happy to answer Eddy’s questions.

“Of course. The metal in the arrows contains an alien virus from a meteorite found in the Old Country. Anyone with both the correct genetic trait and the necessary fighting spirit awakens their Stand. If you lack the trait, you die, and if you lack the fighting spirit, you fall into a deep fever for fifty days. Either you somehow gain the willpower, or you die after those 50 days. The only other option is to eliminate whoever was stabbed with the arrow. As mentioned earlier, of course, it travels through your bloodline.” Rolf answered. Edd was furiously writing this down, until he stopped suddenly.

“What exactly do you mean, ‘travels through your bloodline’?” Inquired Edd.

“The arrow affects not only the one who is pierced, but also those below them in the bloodline. Therefore, your parents wouldn’t be affected but your children would. As for siblings, it would affect twins and younger siblings, but not older brothers and sisters.” Rolf continued, Edd writing down every word of it. Except his face wasn’t one of curiosity, but concern.

“Rolf, do you mean to tell me that any younger siblings of ours would be affected by the arrow?” Edd was clearly hinting at something, but Rolf, being Rolf, didn't pick up on it.

“Did the always hatted Ed-boy not hear Rolf’s words? That is exactly what Rolf is saying! Of course none of the Ed-boys have younger siblings, so Rolf worries not.” He stated. Edd just gave up and spoke.

“Sarah, Rolf.” Rolf was sipping from a straw he had stuck into a jujube as he calmly leaned back in his chair. The chair fell all the way back and Rolf hit the ground, his expression changing from tranquil to panicked.

“It appears Rolf has made an oversight. Come, Ed-boy! We must make haste to their household. If we are faster than my father’s shoe on bath night, we may prevent a disaster yet!” Exclaimed Rolf, leaping up to a standing position and sprinting towards the gate out of his backyard. His form on his shoulders was awkward, thanks to his neck brace. Normally, he would leap his fence, but his injuries forced him to open the gate like a normal person. Edd followed him, making extra sure to close the gate behind him. Edd prayed that they could make it on time. Knowing Sarah, she most certainly had the spiritual strength, but if she awakened her Stand in a temper tantrum, then may God help the cul-de-sac.  
\---------------------  
Sarah couldn’t believe her eyes. Lying beneath Ed, right before he hit the ground, was a ghost wearing skeleton armor. Of course, this was far from the first time Ed had made or bought a fake monster (Edzilla comes to mind). The thing was that this was way too real. The wispy bottom seemed to move, and those eyes… somehow, she felt as if it was simultaneously looking at and through her into her soul. It had its arms crossed, and Ed was using the intersection as a pillow. Ed looked none the worse, albeit a bit surprised. One second later, he was back to reality, and the ghost under him had dissipated. Ed stood up, dusted himself off, and turned to Sarah.

“Oh sorry for the fright, baby sister but I am fine! Go back to whatever it is kids these days do.” Said Ed, completely ignoring the fact that he, to, was a kid these days. He started whistling a pop song to himself.

Sarah thought that she was just imagining things. Even so, that was incredibly lifelike. Furthermore, since when did Ed know Michael Jackson? And she would have sworn that for a split second, she had seen a bright green aura around Ed. Weird, sure, but weirder when she considered that she had made certain he had learned his lesson about eating glow sticks after last time. And she just could not shake the image of those eyes, spotlights in a sinister void. Those private eyes were watching her, and they saw her every move. Still, Ed and his idiot friends always seemed more bizarre than what should be humanly possible, so she dismissed the thought as a hallucination once and for all. She sat back down, realizing she hadn’t even touched her breakfast yet. She was about to take the first bite when…

*Slam!*

Edd and Rolf had flung the gate to their backyard wide open. Or rather, Rolf wearing a neck brace had awkwardly thrown the gate open, and Edd stood a copy of feet behind him.

“Pardon the intrusion, Sarah, but we were hoping we could borrow Ed for a minute.” Apologized Edd. Ed looked down at them.

“Hi Double D! Hi Rolf!” Exclaimed Ed, gracefully sliding down the ladder. Rolf and Edd each grabbed one of Ed’s shoulders and took him out of the backyard, right on the other side of the fence. Sarah could hear them speaking in hushed tones, but she couldn’t make out any words and honestly, she couldn’t care. Unfortunately for her, she forgot to care about anything, including her meal, which she realized when she started choking on her entire sandwich. She also realized that she couldn’t breathe.

She tried everything she could think of; Coughing, taking a drink, performing the Heimlich on herself, even reaching into her throat to try to pull it out by hand, but nothing worked. She felt scared, sure, and sad that this would be how she died, but more than anything she felt angry. Angry that she was done in by a stupid sandwich, angry at that stupid ghost, and angry that she would be gone before such an important part of her life. 

Just as she was starting to black out, her thoughts full of rage, the blockage cleared up. She didn’t swallow it, nor throw it up. She spit, and into the palm of hand fell a miniature version of her sandwich. Disgusting, crumpled and soggy, but also small enough that she could easily fit several dozen in the palm of her hand. Suddenly, it grew back to normal size. It was even grosser at this size, and she had every intention of rushing over to the junkyard and disposing of this murder weapon before anyone else got hurt, but before she could go anywhere she noticed the large incision right in the middle of the sandwich. Akin to a large claw mark, one might say.

It was at this point that Sarah looked up, and nearly passed out from shock combined with a near death experience. Standing there, in all its bizarre glory, was the entity from her dreams. One of the claws on its right hand had unfurled from the body and was now pointing alongside the right index finger. She noticed a little bit of bread on the claw as it folded itself back up against the hand. And then everything clicked. Her dreams, the ghost, her being saved from the most embarrassing death she could imagine, and the shrinking sandwich. This was her, and it acted on her will. This ability, this … power to shrink things it scratched, how it came forth in Sarah’s greatest moment of rage. The how and why didn’t make sense to Sarah, but at one bright beacon in her mind, she saw two things; A name to put on her ability and a name to target as a scapegoat for her anger; She found Mad Little Girl and Ed, respectively.  
\-----------------  
After returning from their conversation, Ed, Edd and Rolf had decided that Ed would have to only use his Stand if he absolutely must, and to leave Sarah in the dark about the whole thing. That said, Sarah was long gone, having left minutes prior. She had shrunk the sandwich and thrown it down the drain, so that its evil couldn’t hurt another soul. Still, Sarah’s intentions were far from altruistic. She blamed this on Ed, his stupid ghost nearly killing her. Still, if Ed has one then Edd and Eddy most likely do as well, and with the way Edd and Rolf pulled Ed aside, she wouldn’t be surprised if he had one from the get go. And so, she started to plan her ‘revenge,’ ready and willing to take her ability for a test run.  
\-----------------  
Stand Stats:  
\----------------  
Stand name: Mad Little Girl  
Namesake: Be Mad Little Girl (Bobby Darin song)  
Localized name: Angry Little Girl  
User: Sarah Ivanov  
Destructive power: A  
Speed: B  
Range: C  
Persistence: A  
Accuracy: B  
Potential: A  
Description: Anything this Stand pierces with one of its many claws instantly shrinks. The specific size can be controlled by the user, and the user can shrink themselves without being pierced. Things can be restored to their normal size at will, but not any larger. Any objects on one’s person are shrunk with them, unless the user chooses otherwise.  
Fun fact: This Stand’s power was directly inspired by the animation The Incredible Shrinking Day. If this were an anime, the ending theme would be I’m not Coming in Anymore, the song played in the animation. I recommend you check it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since no one guessed any references last time, there are two in this chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> So, how did you like chapter 1? I’m excited for the rest of this fic, and at this rate I won’t abandon it like all my other projects. Next chapter will be my first fight scene ever, so let me know what you think in those comments, as well as how I did on this chapter? Also, almost every chapter will have a hidden reference. Today’s reference question; What song are Eddy’s parents, Desmond and Molly Jones, a reference to? First person to answer correctly will get a shoutout at the top of the next chapter whenever I decide to post it.


End file.
